the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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