so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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