remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
