Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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