My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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