so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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