I got chris browned last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
