At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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