so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
did i just pee glitter
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
