i need an iv and a liver transplant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
ttyl tear gas
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
