The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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