remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
