I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
