actually, I'm a sock model
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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