I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
