Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
