i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All the doctor said was why
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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