fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
