i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
