I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
