I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
