i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
