This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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