So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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