i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
