Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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