They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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