I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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