I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
