if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
