You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
