I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
