I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
