I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
