He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
