something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
