he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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