haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
