im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
