Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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