if you like me you must not know who I am
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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