I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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