508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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