Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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