I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
