Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
