I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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