And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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