Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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