she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
