does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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