so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
