You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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