Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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