I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
