She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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