about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
